Today, a record number of non-LGBTQ+ Americans support LGBTQ+ rights and believe that members of the LGBTQ+ community should have the freedom to live their lives without discrimination. But the same research (GLAAD Accelerating Acceptance Report, 2023) also reveals a significant lack of understanding of issues surrounding gender, identity and sexuality.
The concepts of biological sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity – and the differences and relationships between them – can be confusing for people who aren’t in or familiar with our communities. More exposure and visibility; fair and accurate representation of non-binary and transgender people and experiences in the media; and the widespread availability of accurate and affirming information are all important for increasing understanding. When people acknowledge and respect the spectrum of potential identities, it creates space in our societies for LGBTQ+ people to express and live as their authentic selves.
In this blog we’ll define biological sex, sexual orientation and gender identity, & describe the differences and relationships between the concepts. This information is intended for anyone interested in learning more about gender, identity & sexuality, including:
- members of the LGBTQ+ community, especially those who are just now coming to question, realize and/or express their own identities
- those who are LGBTQ+ supporters and allies
- folks outside of our communities who perhaps still hold the outdated notions of the gender binary and heteronormativity as truths (see more on those terms below)
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WHAT IS “BIOLOGICAL SEX”?
Biological sex refers to anatomical, physiological or genetic attributes of a person (e.g. genitalia, reproductive organs, hormone levels, hormone receptors, chromosomes, genes, secondary sex characteristics, etc.) that are used to determine if a person is assigned as male, female, or intersex (an individual born with any of several sex characteristics that do not fit the typical binary notion of male or female) at birth. Biological sex is also known as “assigned” sex.
WHAT IS “SEXUAL ORIENTATION”?
Let’s start by going back to define “heteronormativity”, a term related to sexual orientation that was used earlier in this blog:
- Heteronormativity: this term describes a now-outdated model of sexual orientation that presumed heterosexuality (being sexually, romantically or emotionally attracted to people of the opposite sex) and humanity are synonymous, and that heterosexuality is the preferred / “normal” sexual orientation. Heteronormativity assumes the biases of the gender binary (that there are only two genders: female and male, see full definition below), and that sexual, romantic and marital relationships are only appropriate between people of the “opposite” sex.
Referencing heteronormativity here is important because historically, it represents the dominant lens through which most societies have interpreted the world. It’s been used very effectively to prescribe what societies expect, demand, and will allow from people. In reality, heteronormativity is steeped in homophobia and transphobia. It: (1) marginalizes and categorizes people based on biased assumptions about their identities; (2) limits and labels peoples’ freedom and choices; (3) perpetuates negative stereotypes and discriminatory behavior against members of the LGBTQ+ community; and (4) casts judgment against people merely for who they love and who they are.
And the implicit biases that gave heteronormativity credence years ago still linger today. Some still believe that the “default” for sexual orientation is to be attracted to the opposite sex, and that any other claim of sexual attraction is a “lifestyle choice” – but that’s not true. Today, most in the scientific and medical communities have abandoned heteronormativity and agree that:
- sexual orientation is an inherent and enduring pattern of emotional, romantic or sexual attraction
- many things contribute to a person’s sexual orientation including a complex combination of hormonal, biological, environmental and emotional factors
- these factors may be different for different people
- identifying as LGBTQ+ isn’t because of the way we were raised, or something traumatic during our childhoods
- being LGBTQ+ does not mean we aren’t “normal”, or that we’re mentally ill in any way
Sexual orientation (also referred to as “sexuality”) refers to who a person loves and/or is attracted to. It is determined by the attraction itself, and is not defined by a person’s actual sexual activity. Sexual orientation is immutable, and is not a choice or a whim. Sexual orientation is also not necessarily a point on a sliding scale between straight and gay. More accurately, it’s a massive collection of possibilities – like hues and shades on a global color palette:
- some people fall in love with people of the same gender
- some, with people of a different gender
- some, with all genders
- and to some people, gender doesn’t matter at all when it comes to who they love
Sexual orientation usually refers to romantic and sexual attraction, but not everyone feels these forms of attraction. Some people are only romantically interested in those they’re attracted to; some only physically; and some feel an emotional attraction without either romantic or sexual attraction as part of who they love. Sexual orientation is mainly in relation to other persons. It is independent of gender identity (see definition below), & it can be fluid. Some examples of sexual orientations include gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, pansexual, demisexual, aromantic, etc.
WHAT IS “GENDER IDENTITY”?
While sex & sexual orientation are more biological, gender is a social construct. Let’s first go over a few related definitions:
- Gender: The term “gender” refers to a set of socially-constructed characteristics, roles and norms that are traditionally associated with being labeled a man or boy; a woman or girl; a mixture of both; or neither; and that define a person’s relationships (social, romantic, etc.) with others. Because gender is a social construct, gender expectations can vary by society and can change over time.
- The Gender Binary: “Binary” means “having two parts”; “gender binary“ describes the antiquated concept that there are only two genders, male and female; that everyone must identify as either one or the other; and that gender is presumed to be biologically determined. While it’s outdated and known to be inaccurate, the gender binary model is still often imposed on people by societal pressures such as culture or religion.
- Non-Binary: Today, the scientific and medical communities consider gender to be “non-binary”. Non-binary is an umbrella term that describes gender as existing outside of, or between, male and female. Non-binary people may choose to identify as both or neither a man or a woman, be somewhere in between, or fall completely outside these binary categories. While many non-binary individuals identify as transgender, not all non-binary people do.
Now we’re ready to discuss “gender identity”! The term “gender identity” refers to a person’s innermost concept of themselves – as male, female, a blend of both, or neither. A person’s gender identity is how they perceive themselves and what they choose to call themselves; it’s their personal sense of their own gender. A person’s gender identity can change over time, and can match or be different from the sex assigned to them at birth. There are many different gender identities; including (but not limited to) transgender, gender-neutral, cisgender, female, male, non-binary, agender, pangender, BlaQ / BlaQueer, genderqueer, two-spirit, etc.
HOW DO PRONOUNS FIT IN?
In the context of this blog, pronouns are words used to refer to someone in the third person (e.g. she, her, hers, he, him, his, they, them, theirs, ze, hir, hirs, etc.). Pronouns can be an important way for people to express their gender identity. A person’s preferred pronouns inform others how to best refer to and honor them. Some pronouns have a gendered association, but anyone of any gender can use any pronouns that they feel are right for them. For example, a person can use she/her pronouns and identify as non-binary.
Just as it’s never appropriate to make a judgment about someone’s gender identity based on binary standards or their appearance, you should also never assume someone else’s pronouns. It’s always respectful and acceptable to share your pronouns and then ask, “what pronouns do you use”? Using someone’s correct pronouns can be a fundamental way to show respect for & affirm their identity. It can also help create safe spaces, empower people, and promote inclusivity.
RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN SEX, SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND GENDER IDENTITY
Here are a few summary points and takeaways about sex, gender, identity & sexuality and the relationships between them:
- Biological / “assigned” sex (which involves physiology) is sometimes confused with gender (which is a social / societal construct that involves personal identity).
- Neither gender identity nor sexual orientation are determined by a person’s biological sex.
- Gender identity & sexual orientation are sometimes confused. Gender identity relates to a person’s internal knowledge of their own gender – for example, their knowledge that they’re a man, a woman, or another gender. Sexual orientation has to do with who a person is attracted to. While the phrase doesn’t encompass the totality of identities, one way to think about it is: gender identity is about who you want to go to bed as, whereas sexual orientation is about who you want to go to bed with.
- Sexual orientation does not predict gender identity and visa-versa. Gender identity is how you define yourself in relation to your own gender, whereas sexual orientation is how you define yourself through the people you fall in love with and/or are attracted to.
- All people can have any sexual orientation, and it’s not tied to their gender identity.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT FOR US TO UNDERSTAND THESE CONCEPTS?
Sex, sexuality and gender are central forces that shape many aspects of our lives. Beginning in childhood we come to know our bodies, our minds and ourselves through our gender and our sex. And as a society, definitions and social expectations about gender and sex guide our development, and form our legal, medical, educational and political systems. By learning to respect the diversity of gender & sexuality, we all have opportunities to embrace a greater range of interests and ideas, and society can create space for all of us to live as our authentic selves.
For more information on gender, identity & sexuality, click these links:
- GLAAD Accelerating Acceptance Report, 2023
- A4TE: Frequently Asked Questions about Transgender People
- Planned Parenthood: Sexual Orientation Resources
- IntraSpectrum Counseling Glossary: LGBTQ+ Terms & Definitions
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IntraSpectrum Counseling is Chicago’s leading psychotherapy practice dedicated to the LGBTQ+ community, and we strive to provide the highest quality mental health care for identity, multicultural, kink, polyamorous, and intersectional issues. For anyone needing affirming and validating support, please click here or contact us at help@intraspectrum-chicago.com.
