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Mental Health

Bi Panic: Urban Dictionary Slang, Mental Health Issue or Both?

By January 28, 2025No Comments

This blog is authored by Elle Terrado, MS, QMHP, a member of the IntraSpectrum Counseling clinical team.

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Bisexuality can be defined in several different ways, and the same goes for the social media concept, Bi-Panic. One definition of bisexuality includes a person who experiences emotional, romantic, and / or sexual attraction to more than one sex or gender.

If you have not heard of “Bi-Panic” until now, the Urban Dictionary may be a good source to begin research. Upon my own personal research, I found that some people define Bi-Panic as the feeling that comes from seeing both a “hot girl” and “hot guy” at the same time and realizing they have feelings for both. Other lay definitions of Bi-Panic describe the feeling a person may have upon first discovering their bisexuality, or instances of a non-bisexual person engaging in stereotypes of what it means to be bi.

Examples of Bi-Panic as a social media concept include – but are not limited to:

  • redirecting focus between Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson in ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’
  • “shipping” Jade and Beck from ‘Victorious’
  • paying extra attention to Zendaya and Tom Holland’s relationship

But apart from characters in the media or a crowdsourced urban dictionary term, for many people there is an actual sense of distress that comes from being attracted to more than one gender. In psychology, this distressful feeling can be explained by the term Cognitive Dissonance Theory. This essentially means that humans feel an internal discomfort when their thoughts and their actions are inconsistent with one another.

What does that mean? For example, imagine someone who just learned that smoking is unhealthy yet continues to smoke cigarettes daily. They may feel uncomfortable continuing to smoke daily while thinking it’s unhealthy. For the sake of this analogy, now imagine someone who is attracted to more than one gender, yet by chance often only has experience with one gender.

For the smoker to rid themselves of the mental discomfort from smoking, they might tell themselves that smoking isn’t that bad (changing their thoughts about smoking) or eventually try to stop altogether (changing their actions). This is a common human response to the mental discomfort that comes from cognitive dissonance. So, what does smoking cigarettes have to do with being bisexual? Maybe everything!

Jokes aside, many of my bi friends have discussed questioning their sexual experience or lack thereof. I might hear:

  • “As a woman, if I have no experience with another woman and just date men, does that make me not Bi?” or,
  • “I love my partner and want to marry them, but I am worried I will never be able to explore other genders”

Thus, with an attraction to more than one gender, a person may experience distress simply from dating one person while bearing the knowledge that they are attracted to multiple types of people. Perhaps someone may pursue ethical non-monogamy in response, hence “changing the action”, but a Bi person cannot simply change their who they are attracted to.

I am here to say, as both a therapist and a lesbian with a historical experience of being bisexual, that experience can shape sexuality but does not define sexuality. Therapy can support how we navigate our sexuality and identity to help process any dissonance.

Bisexuality as “just a phase” is just a myth. You are still bisexual without fully experiencing what it means to be with someone of your own or different gender, and it is natural to feel distress from FOMO. The truth is that sexuality does not need evidence to be meaningful, although
sometimes it may feel that way.

Therapy can help navigate this sense of distress and de-mystify rigid definitions of bisexuality and Bi-Panic. There are no rules to your identity or how you choose to identify. Accepting that distress happens is the first step to living life and making decisions apart from the Bi Panic.

With any type of person, and any type of relationship, I will always argue that the most fruitful connections come organically. It is important to give yourself the space and grace to explore your sexuality—every human connection offers a different experience worth exploring. When we shift our focus to the mind, heart, and soul of another person, rather than gendered attributes, we can allow more love and less panic into each of our lives.

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This blog is authored by Elle Terrado, MS, QMHP, a member of the IntraSpectrum Counseling clinical team. IntraSpectrum Counseling is Chicago’s leading psychotherapy practice dedicated to the LGBTQ+ community. Every day, we strive to provide the highest quality mental health care for clients of all ages and across the spectrum of identities. For anyone needing affirming and validating support or healing with any issue, please click here or email us at help@intraspectrum-chicago.com.